ASX 200 drops 45 points to 6440 in low volatility and subdued trade. US futures down points. Broad based losses from the outset were tempered by some bargain hunting in banks as NAB pushed 0.99% higher. WBC was the worst performer down 0.47% and other financials slipped slightly. Miners were weaker on falling commodity prices and iron ore slipping. BHP fell 0.62%, RIO down 0.74% and FMG down 2.01% in late sell off. In industrials, bond proxies came under pressure surprisingly given 10-year yields slipped below the official RBA cash rate. Inversion talks springs up again. TCL down 1.79% and SYD down 2.38%. CSL slipped 1.34% despite a bad flu season as fears of a Chinese hit to sales of Gardasil swirl. TLS firmed 0.28% on its guidance news and write downs whilst consumer staples like WES down 1.63% and WOW down 1.56% came under pressure. In corporate news, MGR launched a $825m capital raising at 297c and Bruce Gordon sold most of his holding in PRT. Across Asia, markets were weaker on trade fears with Japan down 1.2% and China down 0.2%. AUD stable at 69.30c.

STOCKS

• CVN +23.81% promising drill results.
• LYC +15.48% rare earths become middle earth battle ground.
• JIN +5.28% bigger jackpots loom.
• DHG +1.82% housing recovery.
• EML +0.75% gains continue.
• DOW -9.14% broker downgrades.
• SIQ -4.74% salary packaging under pressure.
• RAP -11.43% hardware and wearables expansion.
• LNG -6.06% softening oil price.
• PRT – Bruce Gordon sells down to 3.3%
• GSW -7.89% reinstated after ASX query on Kuwati announcement.
• NXS +9.54% bounces back.
• FMG -2.01% suffers as iron ore falls but not much.
• WES -1.63% should have paid up for LYC. Horse has bolted.
• Speculative stock of the Day: IVO +100.00% highlighted yesterday up again today on WeChat Pay and farm to plate strategy.
• Biggest Risers: CVN, LYC, JIN, IRI, MYR, DDR and SSM.
• Biggest Falls: DOW, SGF, SIQ, MEZ, NGI and GUD.

TODAY

• Telstra (TLS) +0.28% Expects to write down the value of its legacy IT assets by around $500m. Guidance on restructuring costs for FY19 has also been lifted by around $200m, as a result of moving forward proposed job reductions. Telstra expects to cut 6000 jobs by the end of the financial year, which puts it on track to reach the previously announced net cost out target of $2.5bn by the end of 2022. Full-year guidance reaffirmed.
• Bank of Queensland (BOQ) +0.76% Chairman Roger Davis set to retire in October. Patrick Allaway appointed Chairman Elect.
• Mirvac (MGR) – Launches $825m capital raising to help fund its strategic growth plans. On track to deliver top end FY19 guidance, EPS expected to be around 17.1c and DPS expected to be 11.6c.
• Adairs (ADH) -2.43% CFO Mandy Drake resigns to pursue new opportunities. Until a replacement is found, Fay Hatzia (financial controller) has been appointed Company Secretary and will manage those responsibilities.

ECONOMIC NEWS

• All quiet. Too quiet.

BOND MARKETS

• 2-Year bond yields down 1bps to 1.11%
• 5-Year yields down 2bps to 1.17%
• 10-Year yields down 4bps to 1.49%. First time for a long, long time.

ASIAN NEWS

• Chinese rare earth stocks surge as Beijing looks to ‘weaponise’ its dominance in rare earths. It controls 80% of the world’s supply.
• Seems like Modi has the same issue as Morrison as the economies of both countries falter and he looks for ways to stimulate.
• Pork prices are going to head higher as the African Swine fever spreads across Asia.
• Nomura remains under intense pressure, heading towards its lowest level since 2012 on an annual loss and a rare improve your business order from authorities for sharing sensitive information.

EUROPEAN AND US HEADLINES

• The total enterprise value of the top 32 clubs in Europe is GBP31.5bn ( EUR35.6bn), up a huge EUR3bn in one season. Europa Cup final tonight. Go the blues.

• Huawei is suing the US government over the federal ban on equipment purchases saying it is unconstitutional.
• Both Italy and Ireland put on ‘watch list’ for currency manipulation. Came as a surprise to both. They do not have their own currency. China miraculously escapes being named.
• Amazon CEO and founders Ex is giving away half of her recently acquired fortune to charity.
• Appl has just released a new iPod Touch. Question is why?
• Oil should heat up a little tonight as US points figure firmly at Iran for attacks on ships in the Gulf.

And finally………….

A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, “Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing.”

“What do they say?” the priest inquired.

“They say, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'” the woman said embarrassingly.

“That’s obscene!” the priest exclaimed, “I can see why you are embarrassed.”

He thought a minute and then said, “You know, I may have a solution to this problem. I have two male parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house and we will put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship. I’m sure your parrots will stop saying that…that phrase in no time.”

“Thank you,” the lady responded, “this may very well be the solution.”

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest’s house.

As he ushered her in, she saw his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding their rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After just a couple of seconds, the female parrots exclaimed out in unison, “Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?”

There was a stunned silence. Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and said, “Put the beads away, Francis, our prayers have been answered!”

 

 

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock on the door.

He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it’s 3 AM. “I’m not getting out of bed at this time”, he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. “Aren’t you going to answer that?” says his wife.

So he drags himself out of bed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn’t take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.

“Hi there,” slurs the stranger, “can you give me a push?”

“No, get lost, it’s 3 AM. I was in bed,” says the man and slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, “Dave, that wasn’t very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man’s house to get us started again? What would have happened if he’d told us to get lost?”

“But the guy was drunk.” says the husband.

“It doesn’t matter.” says the wife. “He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him.”

So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, “Hey, do you still want a push?” and he hears a voice cry out “Yeah please.”

So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, “Where are you?” And the stranger replies: “I’m over here, on your swing.”

 

Thanks to http://www.unijokes.com

Clarence

XXX