Today’s Headlines

• ASX 200 bursts higher up 29 points to 5939. Good volume.
• All Ords goes through 6000 first-time since GFC.
• Small Ords hits multi-year high.
• High 5952 Low 5922.
• Citizenship eight now.
• Banks, miners and healthcare shine.
• NAB tomorrow. NIM and debts the focus.
• Energy stocks do well. Consumer staples take heart from WOW numbers.
• AUD steady at 76.62c.
• US futures up 50.
• Asian markets mixed with Japan up 1.76% and China CSI down 0.01%.

STOCK STUFF

Movers and Shakers

• A2M -6.04% after Colonial First State sells down a little. Price query soothes a little.
• SM1 -3.54% follows A2M lower
• BUB trading halt following another capital raising and acquisition.
• HVN +5.56% ASIC abandons investigation.
• KDR +9.05% positive news from conference.
• TPM +0.4% broker downgrade.
• WBC +0.64% fires back in BBSW case.
• DMP -2.92% facing higher wage bill.
• AMC -3.41% AGM address underwhelms.
• OSH -2.98% buys asset in Alaska for $3.10 a barrel.
• WOW +1.62% broker recommendation.
• WSA +3.23% nickel two year high.
• Speculative stocks of the day: ADV +38.46% joins the lithium party with new thick high-grade intercepts at Seymour Lake.
• Biggest risers – PPH, BPT, ASL, GXY, CKF and HVN
• Biggest fallers – A2M, CSR, YAL, MYR, DMP and HUB.

TODAY

• CSR Limited (CSR) –5.49% 1H net profit A$118.7m up 4% yoy. Says it’s on track to meet annual profit hopes. Interim dividend of 13.5c. CSR expects FY18 pre-items net profit guidance of A$187m – A$223m. Rising power costs hurting Aluminium division.
• Myer Limited (MYR) –4.58% 1Q results. Same store sales down 2.1% on year. Total sales A$699m, down 2.8%. Online sales up 68%. CEO said sales were held back by intense competition, and slack consumer sentiment. Lew sees only weeds not green shoots.
• Fortescue Metals (FMG) +0.86% is looking for lithium in the Pilbara.
• Australia Post is looking to partner with Amazon for its online delivery service

ECONOMIC NEWS

• UBS announces Australia’s housing boom is over. Sydney home prices fell6% over the quarter and were down 0.5% over the month, according to property data group Corelogic. Sydney home prices are up 74%since the growth cycle began in early 2012.
• Home prices in Darwin and Perth were also down, 4.4% and 0.7% respectively, over the quarter. Melbourne’s market conditions remain resilient compared to Sydney, with home prices up 0.5% for the month and reaching growth of almost 2% over the quarter.

• Lowest countries in recession ever. Ever.

BOND MARKET

ASIAN MARKETS

• The Caixin China General Manufacturing Purchase Managers’ Index (PMI) stood at 51 for October, flat from the September level, according to the survey conducted by financial information service provider Markit and sponsored by Caixin Media.

• Sony has risen strongly on the back of higher earnings outlook. It raised guidance by more than 25%.
• Tencent has risen 2636% in the last ten years. Asian tech shares have easily outperformed FANGS.

How the world has changed:

EUROPE AND US MORNING HEADLINES

• Trump starts a 11-day trip to Asia on Friday. Thursday announces new Fed Chief. Busy times.
• Exciting times. The UK government and the European Commission have confirmed that the next round of Brexit negotiations will be held next week.
• Tax reform in focus as GOP backs away from top rate tax cut.
• CME is set to offer Bitcoin futures by year end. There is even talk of a LIC for cryptocurrencies.

And finally…………….

BEST LAWYER/INSURANCE STORY OF THE  YEAR,
DECADE, AND POSSIBLY THE  CENTURY.

This took  place in Charlotte North Carolina A lawyer purchased a box of  very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among  other things, fire.

Within a month, having  smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars, the lawyer  filed a claim against the insurance  company.

In his claim,  the lawyer stated the cigars were lost ‘in a series of small  fires’ … The insurance company refused to pay, citing the  obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the  normal fashion.

The lawyer sued and  WON! ( Stay  with me. )

Delivering  the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the  claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the  lawyer held a policy from the company, in which it had warranted  that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would  insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to  be unacceptable ‘fire’ and was obligated to pay the  claim.

Rather than endure lengthy and  costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling  and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars that  perished in the ‘fires’.

NOW  FOR  THE BEST PART…

After the lawyer  cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24  counts of ARSON!!!

With his own insurance  claim and testimony from the previous case being used against  him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his  insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a  $24,000 fine.
This true story won First Place in last year’s  Criminal Lawyers Award contest.

The Brothel

The madam opened the brothel door and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
‘May I help you sir?’ she asked.

‘I want to see Valerie,’ the man replied.

‘Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else’, said the madam.

‘No, I must see Valerie,’ he replied.

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $5,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive. But there were no discounts. The price was still $5,000.

Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.

After their session, Valerie questioned the man, ‘No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?’ she asked.

The man replied, ‘ Ontario ‘.

‘Really?’, she said. ‘I have family in Ontario .’
‘I know.’ the man said. ‘Your sister died, and I am her attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance.’

The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain.
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer

 

Clarence 

XXX